HOw To Deal With Rejection and Heartaches
Friday, July 07, 2006
The First Step To Getting Over A Breakup
Lately I've had a run of clients having a very hard time getting over the end of a relationship, so let me share some secrets with you about how to heal.
I have a client called Dorothy who's struggling to let go of a relationship with a guy who she'd initially thought was perfect for her. When we first started working together Dorothy was really angry and frustrated that, yet again, she was going to have to re-build her love life. The one good thing about those feelings was that they removed any temptation to get straight back into dating.
The first step for any client I work with in this situation is to have them feel their feelings which is an essential part of the healing process.
Some people really struggle with feeling certain feelings. Some of us are easier with anger, others with grief. Dorothy was more than comfortable with being angry but was very reluctant to admit that her anger was masking her feelings of hurt and loneliness. Those feelings made her feel vulnerable in a way she resisted furiously. I encouraged her to explore all of her feelings by writing a "grief letter" to her ex.
The Grief Letter
To write your letter take the time to explore what you are going to miss and what you aren't going to miss.
- What are you angry about?
- What are you sad about?
- What do you fear this break up means?
- What was your part in the break up?
- What are you always going to love or appreciate about your ex?
This is referred to as a ladder of emotion and it's great to write your letter in the above order. Feel free to use those questions as headers. That said if you need to keep coming back to anger then please do and then work your way back up the ladder again.
It's important that you realise that you are never going to send this letter, this way you can explore being totally unreasonable and maybe even, what would previously have been, unbearably open about just how hurt you feel.
Explore these questions in such a way that you can feel all the things you suspect may be true even if you'd rather they weren't. Write the letter as if you were writing it to someone who really cares about how you feel.
It's really important that you take time to do this. Every time you leave a relationship there is a danger that you will suppress your emotions due to the pain and disappointment. That suppression continues after the breakup and makes you less attractive and can begin to limit your ability to love.
If you go through this phase of feeling your feelings properly then you'll be able to reconnect with at least some of the love you felt for this person you've parted from. Not in a way that eats at you but in a way that nourishes your sense of having a life worth loving. If you've loved deeply once, then you can do it again. It takes work to keep your heart healthy and open but it's very valuable work.
This is the first step in a process that can take anywhere from days to months and it's a good solid first step. When Dorothy first began to be honest about how sad and lonely she felt she got scared about how overwhelming it felt. As if somehow she could become lost in the feelings or she'd never feel good again. This process requires you to acknowledge that your feelings are not something to be afraid of. If you're feeling sad you are only sad. It doesn't necessarily mean there's something wrong with your life that must be fixed. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to just acknowledge that you do feel sad.
The end of a relationship is often the death of something you found to be beautiful for a while. That said, no matter how big your grief is, you're going to get through it. You are far bigger than your worst feeling.
Two months on Dorothy has learned a lot about her self and one of her unexpected breakthroughs is that being alone at home no longer makes her feel like there's something wrong with her. Suddenly being alone isn't so scary and from this place she's in a much better position to think about who she'd actually like to make a part of her life.
Feeling your feelings is the quickest route to healing and the only way out is through. Just remember that even your darkest minute is only 60 seconds long.
For the remaining 6 steps in healing a broken heart visit
I have a client called Dorothy who's struggling to let go of a relationship with a guy who she'd initially thought was perfect for her. When we first started working together Dorothy was really angry and frustrated that, yet again, she was going to have to re-build her love life. The one good thing about those feelings was that they removed any temptation to get straight back into dating.
The first step for any client I work with in this situation is to have them feel their feelings which is an essential part of the healing process.
Some people really struggle with feeling certain feelings. Some of us are easier with anger, others with grief. Dorothy was more than comfortable with being angry but was very reluctant to admit that her anger was masking her feelings of hurt and loneliness. Those feelings made her feel vulnerable in a way she resisted furiously. I encouraged her to explore all of her feelings by writing a "grief letter" to her ex.
The Grief Letter
To write your letter take the time to explore what you are going to miss and what you aren't going to miss.
- What are you angry about?
- What are you sad about?
- What do you fear this break up means?
- What was your part in the break up?
- What are you always going to love or appreciate about your ex?
This is referred to as a ladder of emotion and it's great to write your letter in the above order. Feel free to use those questions as headers. That said if you need to keep coming back to anger then please do and then work your way back up the ladder again.
It's important that you realise that you are never going to send this letter, this way you can explore being totally unreasonable and maybe even, what would previously have been, unbearably open about just how hurt you feel.
Explore these questions in such a way that you can feel all the things you suspect may be true even if you'd rather they weren't. Write the letter as if you were writing it to someone who really cares about how you feel.
It's really important that you take time to do this. Every time you leave a relationship there is a danger that you will suppress your emotions due to the pain and disappointment. That suppression continues after the breakup and makes you less attractive and can begin to limit your ability to love.
If you go through this phase of feeling your feelings properly then you'll be able to reconnect with at least some of the love you felt for this person you've parted from. Not in a way that eats at you but in a way that nourishes your sense of having a life worth loving. If you've loved deeply once, then you can do it again. It takes work to keep your heart healthy and open but it's very valuable work.
This is the first step in a process that can take anywhere from days to months and it's a good solid first step. When Dorothy first began to be honest about how sad and lonely she felt she got scared about how overwhelming it felt. As if somehow she could become lost in the feelings or she'd never feel good again. This process requires you to acknowledge that your feelings are not something to be afraid of. If you're feeling sad you are only sad. It doesn't necessarily mean there's something wrong with your life that must be fixed. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to just acknowledge that you do feel sad.
The end of a relationship is often the death of something you found to be beautiful for a while. That said, no matter how big your grief is, you're going to get through it. You are far bigger than your worst feeling.
Two months on Dorothy has learned a lot about her self and one of her unexpected breakthroughs is that being alone at home no longer makes her feel like there's something wrong with her. Suddenly being alone isn't so scary and from this place she's in a much better position to think about who she'd actually like to make a part of her life.
Feeling your feelings is the quickest route to healing and the only way out is through. Just remember that even your darkest minute is only 60 seconds long.
For the remaining 6 steps in healing a broken heart visit
how_to_get_over_a_break_up.htm
About The Author
Michael Myerscough is a 16 year veteran of counselling and coaching people to have great relationships.
Copyright 2005 The Relationship Gym. All Rights Reserved. May be freely copied and distributed as long as you include the following information: "By Michael Myerscough, professional speaker and relationship success coach. Michael has lots of great tips, tools and articles on his website that you can use. Visit him now at http://www.therelationshipgym.com and get access to 22 ways to Find Your Life Long Partner or Improve Your Current Relationship
About The Author
Michael Myerscough is a 16 year veteran of counselling and coaching people to have great relationships.
Copyright 2005 The Relationship Gym. All Rights Reserved. May be freely copied and distributed as long as you include the following information: "By Michael Myerscough, professional speaker and relationship success coach. Michael has lots of great tips, tools and articles on his website that you can use. Visit him now at http://www.therelationshipgym.com and get access to 22 ways to Find Your Life Long Partner or Improve Your Current Relationship
Monday, July 03, 2006
Keeping Old Mementos from Past Relationships
by: Lisa Stuart
If you're like most people, at one time or another you have probably held onto something that symbolizes time together with someone you cared for even when the relationship was over. Keeping it could have served as a reminder to you of the relationship lost as a way to punish yourself or perhaps it was with the hope that you would get back together and rekindle your love. Whatever the reason, it can be helpful to know what you don't know about letting go.
Anything that they gave to you or somehow represents the time you shared together and that you have given meaning to are all potential culprits to set you up for holding on. These mementos can include old love letters or cards they gave to you, pictures, movie ticket stubs from a movie you saw together, or any one of a million possibilities that physically gives you something to put in your hands and look at any time you wish to.
To justify their taking up space in your home and in your life even after knowing there was no hope of the two of you ever getting back together, you may have simply convinced yourself that you're just a hopeless romantic as to why you have held onto such things. If you are among those who are still holding onto anything from a past relationship, it is important to take inventory and figure out just how many of them you still have and from how many past relationships. This will give you a clear picture of how you might be holding onto your past. And, if you're holding onto the past this way, you're probably doing it in other ways as well.
As you may or may not already know, these objects actually maintain a connection to these people for as long as you are willing to hold onto them. They are physical representations of the attachment that still exists between you and them. The reason it is important to become aware of this is that as long as you still have these energetic connections to people from your past, whether you know it or not, you can never truly commit to a future relationship because a part of you is still wrapped up in your past with someone you're no longer even with.
Now is as good a time as any to free yourself from your past and let go of those old attachments. It is highly recommended that you get all these things together and either burn them or throw them in the trash. Whichever way you choose to let go of this part of your past, do so with ceremony. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Just saying a few words that represent your conscious awareness of letting go can suffice.
Like the phoenix that rises out of the ashes renewed and ever more powerful, you will regain and recapture all of the energy that you have unknowingly left scattered throughout your past. Releasing your old attachments can feel absolutely wonderful and it might surprise you how great you feel once you've done it. Finally, after you finished clearing away these old items, make sure you somehow celebrate the reclaiming of your complete self knowing that you are now truly free to commit to a relationship with the love of your life in the near future.
Warmest Regards,
Lisa Stuart
About The Author
Lisa Stuart is dedicated to showing you how to attract the love of your life. Discover the secrets to attracting and experiencing a relationship with the love of your life! Sign up for Lisas Attracting Love Newsletter ($100 Value) just by visiting her website at www.HowToAttractLove.com.
Copyright © 2006 The Love Attraction Expert
lisa@howtoattractlove.com
If you're like most people, at one time or another you have probably held onto something that symbolizes time together with someone you cared for even when the relationship was over. Keeping it could have served as a reminder to you of the relationship lost as a way to punish yourself or perhaps it was with the hope that you would get back together and rekindle your love. Whatever the reason, it can be helpful to know what you don't know about letting go.
Anything that they gave to you or somehow represents the time you shared together and that you have given meaning to are all potential culprits to set you up for holding on. These mementos can include old love letters or cards they gave to you, pictures, movie ticket stubs from a movie you saw together, or any one of a million possibilities that physically gives you something to put in your hands and look at any time you wish to.
To justify their taking up space in your home and in your life even after knowing there was no hope of the two of you ever getting back together, you may have simply convinced yourself that you're just a hopeless romantic as to why you have held onto such things. If you are among those who are still holding onto anything from a past relationship, it is important to take inventory and figure out just how many of them you still have and from how many past relationships. This will give you a clear picture of how you might be holding onto your past. And, if you're holding onto the past this way, you're probably doing it in other ways as well.
As you may or may not already know, these objects actually maintain a connection to these people for as long as you are willing to hold onto them. They are physical representations of the attachment that still exists between you and them. The reason it is important to become aware of this is that as long as you still have these energetic connections to people from your past, whether you know it or not, you can never truly commit to a future relationship because a part of you is still wrapped up in your past with someone you're no longer even with.
Now is as good a time as any to free yourself from your past and let go of those old attachments. It is highly recommended that you get all these things together and either burn them or throw them in the trash. Whichever way you choose to let go of this part of your past, do so with ceremony. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Just saying a few words that represent your conscious awareness of letting go can suffice.
Like the phoenix that rises out of the ashes renewed and ever more powerful, you will regain and recapture all of the energy that you have unknowingly left scattered throughout your past. Releasing your old attachments can feel absolutely wonderful and it might surprise you how great you feel once you've done it. Finally, after you finished clearing away these old items, make sure you somehow celebrate the reclaiming of your complete self knowing that you are now truly free to commit to a relationship with the love of your life in the near future.
Warmest Regards,
Lisa Stuart
About The Author
Lisa Stuart is dedicated to showing you how to attract the love of your life. Discover the secrets to attracting and experiencing a relationship with the love of your life! Sign up for Lisas Attracting Love Newsletter ($100 Value) just by visiting her website at www.HowToAttractLove.com.
Copyright © 2006 The Love Attraction Expert
lisa@howtoattractlove.com
Internet dating lets women hold the reins (The Jakarta Post)Here's a joke: A woman walks into a bar. "I've heard this is a good place to meet men," she says to the bartender. The man behind the bar says "Sure is. Now, what can I get for you?"
What's Really Happening In The News: Kerrin Hopkins, Intn'l Profiler Based On Character Traits Distinct To One's Name, (PR Web via Yahoo! News)(PRWEB) June 26, 2006 -- Based on research she has conducted, International Personality Profiler Kerrin Carleen Hopkins announces her take on celebrity names in the news today.
Coping With The Pain
by: Udo Vieth
Separations are painfull. This is a fact.
Unless you are cold and callous, the loss of a loved one is a numbing experience. In these situations, we tend to retreat into a corner and mope.
That is after the crying is done.
Crying may be the best thing you can do for now. You need time, time to cope with the situation, time to heal if you will. Don't deny yourself this period of "mourning' for want of a better word.
You are not a machine, small steps in the right direction are much more important now than trying to force the issue. Any hardnosed activity at this time, may result in more deeprooted problems which may surface later on in life. Try and heal through the situation, and give yourself a break.
What is the best way to cope?
Well that depends to a large extent on the type of person you are.
Some immerse themselves in their work, others just stay at home and mope. Then there are those of us that go to extremes. We binge on things that we normally don't consider as usefull. Either food, drink, or in some cases sex with strangers.
These are normally not good remedies for the situation, as they seem to reinforce the feeling of loss of control. As such, they are not a coping mechanism, but a distraction mechanism.
The optimum healing activity would consist of what I like to call "Replacement Therapy". Replace the loss of a love, with another loveable activity or distraction. Love your body, by going to gym, eating more healthy food etc. Love your mind by reading an educational work, or a literary classic. Love your spirit, by learning to meditate, Feng Shui your house, or just spend time sitting at a stream.
I think you get the gist of it. Choosing empowering activities, can grow you as a human being, whilst helping you cope with the situation.
They say every dark cloud has a silver lining. You may just discover the silver lining by adopting a mindset as outlined above. 2 years from now, you could look back on this as the best thing that ever happened to you. Give yourself a fighting chance for that to be your experience by following the guidelines above.
And remember, keep on loving, even if it is only yourself at present.
Written by Udo Vieth.
About The Author
Who is Udo Vieth? He is fast becoming an expert on love, relationship, romance, as well as being a qualified EFT and Biofeedback practitioner. He has a website: www.Toprelationships.com with information regarding all aspects of relationships.
info@toprelationships.com
Separations are painfull. This is a fact.
Unless you are cold and callous, the loss of a loved one is a numbing experience. In these situations, we tend to retreat into a corner and mope.
That is after the crying is done.
Crying may be the best thing you can do for now. You need time, time to cope with the situation, time to heal if you will. Don't deny yourself this period of "mourning' for want of a better word.
You are not a machine, small steps in the right direction are much more important now than trying to force the issue. Any hardnosed activity at this time, may result in more deeprooted problems which may surface later on in life. Try and heal through the situation, and give yourself a break.
What is the best way to cope?
Well that depends to a large extent on the type of person you are.
Some immerse themselves in their work, others just stay at home and mope. Then there are those of us that go to extremes. We binge on things that we normally don't consider as usefull. Either food, drink, or in some cases sex with strangers.
These are normally not good remedies for the situation, as they seem to reinforce the feeling of loss of control. As such, they are not a coping mechanism, but a distraction mechanism.
The optimum healing activity would consist of what I like to call "Replacement Therapy". Replace the loss of a love, with another loveable activity or distraction. Love your body, by going to gym, eating more healthy food etc. Love your mind by reading an educational work, or a literary classic. Love your spirit, by learning to meditate, Feng Shui your house, or just spend time sitting at a stream.
I think you get the gist of it. Choosing empowering activities, can grow you as a human being, whilst helping you cope with the situation.
They say every dark cloud has a silver lining. You may just discover the silver lining by adopting a mindset as outlined above. 2 years from now, you could look back on this as the best thing that ever happened to you. Give yourself a fighting chance for that to be your experience by following the guidelines above.
And remember, keep on loving, even if it is only yourself at present.
Written by Udo Vieth.
About The Author
Who is Udo Vieth? He is fast becoming an expert on love, relationship, romance, as well as being a qualified EFT and Biofeedback practitioner. He has a website: www.Toprelationships.com with information regarding all aspects of relationships.
info@toprelationships.com
Cover Story: Survivor's tale (Asahi.com)The taunting never ceased against a little girl in Kobe, whose family was so poor she had only wooden geta sandals to wear to school. "Don't you have any shoes?" a classmate chided her.
RECAP OF HILLBILLY JIM'S SIRIUS RADIO SHOW (PWinsider)1. Starts the show at 10:02AM with the usual "Don't Go Messin' With A Country Boy". 2. Hillbilly strums on his guitar & says welcome back, says he's wired up & feels he's got ants in his pants. He says he'll talk about his "Backstage Pass" segment later on.
Steve Anderson: Tom Metzger & WAR: The race is on and it looks like heartaches (HuffingtonPost)Mom keeps me posted on the rantings of certain members of the family, you know, the "special" ones. She sent me this one tonight: http://www.resist.com/other/border_patrol.swf Cute. It's a game called "Border Patrol." You get to blast what are meant to represent illegals coming over the border. Reminds me of that wonderful Christian game making the news recently. You know, the one where
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Relationship Help for Women: Letting Go and Facing Forward
by: Rori Gwynne
There are therapists and dating experts who teach those of us who are still entangled, bound, wrapped up in and held by a lover who is no longer a happy part of our lives, how to let go.
It is said that you can't enter a new relationship while you're still tied to the old. That you must release this person to leave room in your life and your heart for your true soulmate to come on in.
It's a fact that our bodies and hearts get connected to those we love and have sex with. It's chemical, and spiritual, and emotional, and it doesn't just go away because we say goodbye. And it's true that every time we have the same thought about that goodbye, we experience the same feeling we felt when it happened.
And yet, it's romantic. Lost love is romantic. Pining is romantic. Yeats and Keats and Lord Byron are romantic. Singing about love isn't as romantic as singing about the love that got away. Longing makes me feel alive. It taps into my imagination and takes me to a place of romance and lust and passion that this daily life of recycling, cleaning the kitchen, working and cuddling don't even graze. And it taps into my pain. What is it about pain that feels so, well romantic?
Many of us have pain and love hooked up in such a way that easy-going men don't feel romantic to us. Nice men who don't intend to hurt us feel like old shoes. The pointy, spindly ones that'll kill our backs and crunch our toes are the shoes and the men we want. Even while we're wearing running shoes, we're dreaming of stilettos. And we fault men for thinking like this.
Letting go, to me, is a moment by moment act and triumph of courage. Not just letting go of a person, but of a state of mind, a thought of pain that leads to a feeling of pain that then feels so powerful, passionate, poetic and sexy that it trumps everything else around.
Letting go of a person is much easier than letting go of pain. Because if I once let go of the pain of missing someone, anyone, I would feel not just free - but alone. I would come face to face with my serious belief that I will always be alone if I don't hold on. To that man, that thought, that job, that routine. And to hold on, I have to, literally, hold on. Hold on to any man who comes into my space. Hold on to a plan. Hold on to hope. The pain, the plan, the hope fills the void if the man can't.
What if you could let go of the belief that you'll be alone because no one's there just yet? What if you could believe he's there, if only you could see him through the fog of poems, pain, and stilettos? What if, instead of hope, we could operate on faith? What if, instead of hoping we'll meet Mr. Right, or the man we're married to will suddenly turn into Mr. Right, we could simply trust that he's there, if only we'd consider the possibility that he doesn't look the way we thought he should that instead of bringing pain, longing, holding on, and stilettos, he'd show up with roses, running shoes, and the absolute knowledge that you're the one for him. He might be right.
How to do it? If you were working toward releasing a person who was once loving you and now is not, you would cut off contact, focus on yourself, and practice becoming aware of how your thoughts continually float back to him and the pain of the breakup. You would practice gently redirecting those thoughts away from him and pain and toward yourself and your future. What if, in the same way, you could release the past altogether? And by the past, I mean the moment that just passed. The one that will never be again, but which left traces of emotional, spiritual and physical connection behind. The one that drags us, longing, pining and in stilettos, back to live it all over again. Over and over.
So turn around. Put your back to the moment that just passed. Use your imagination. Put your back to the person who is no longer loving you. Put your back to the pain, the longing, the holding on. Face out. Face where you want to be. Is it a mountain? A lake? A beach? Who are you with? Yourself, your new, ideal, perfect, fabulously loving lover, a friend? What is it you actually see for yourself in this new direction?
Keep your back turned to the pain, and your face to what you see ahead. Step out. Literally, now, take a step forward. Allow your future to pull on you. Walk up the mountain. Wander onto the beach. Stare in wonder at the sunset. If you can imagine it, you can make it up any way you want. If it feels scary, you can step out slowly and get used to it. If you can keep facing forward and keep stepping forward, you can change your thoughts, change your feelings, change your reality.
If you find yourself at the market, or Starbucks, or the theater, alone and miserable, or with someone you're indifferent to, turn around from that thought. Literally spin 180 degrees and look elsewhere. There will be something new there. Something good will happen. Someone new will step into frame. The person you're with will become more of a real person and less of a poor substitute. Your life will go forward.
Surrender to faith in yourself. Surrender to the impossibility of knowing what's around every corner. Surrender, not to longing, but to the pleasurable possibilities of what's around the corner. Surrender to this idea: Romance is wonderful, love is not painful, and shoes can look good and feel good too. Stilettos are overrated.
About The Author
Rori Gwynne
In her workshops, classes, private coaching and new book - Have the Relationship You Want - relationship coach Rori Gwynne teaches women the completely original, simple-to-do and stunningly effective techniques for communication, confidence, and connecting with men that she used to turn her own now-glorious eighteen-year marriage around. Visit http://www.CoachRori.com to get her free Mantra for Connecting with Men, the CoachRori e-zine, and to see how Rori can help you Have the Relationship You Want.
There are therapists and dating experts who teach those of us who are still entangled, bound, wrapped up in and held by a lover who is no longer a happy part of our lives, how to let go.
It is said that you can't enter a new relationship while you're still tied to the old. That you must release this person to leave room in your life and your heart for your true soulmate to come on in.
It's a fact that our bodies and hearts get connected to those we love and have sex with. It's chemical, and spiritual, and emotional, and it doesn't just go away because we say goodbye. And it's true that every time we have the same thought about that goodbye, we experience the same feeling we felt when it happened.
And yet, it's romantic. Lost love is romantic. Pining is romantic. Yeats and Keats and Lord Byron are romantic. Singing about love isn't as romantic as singing about the love that got away. Longing makes me feel alive. It taps into my imagination and takes me to a place of romance and lust and passion that this daily life of recycling, cleaning the kitchen, working and cuddling don't even graze. And it taps into my pain. What is it about pain that feels so, well romantic?
Many of us have pain and love hooked up in such a way that easy-going men don't feel romantic to us. Nice men who don't intend to hurt us feel like old shoes. The pointy, spindly ones that'll kill our backs and crunch our toes are the shoes and the men we want. Even while we're wearing running shoes, we're dreaming of stilettos. And we fault men for thinking like this.
Letting go, to me, is a moment by moment act and triumph of courage. Not just letting go of a person, but of a state of mind, a thought of pain that leads to a feeling of pain that then feels so powerful, passionate, poetic and sexy that it trumps everything else around.
Letting go of a person is much easier than letting go of pain. Because if I once let go of the pain of missing someone, anyone, I would feel not just free - but alone. I would come face to face with my serious belief that I will always be alone if I don't hold on. To that man, that thought, that job, that routine. And to hold on, I have to, literally, hold on. Hold on to any man who comes into my space. Hold on to a plan. Hold on to hope. The pain, the plan, the hope fills the void if the man can't.
What if you could let go of the belief that you'll be alone because no one's there just yet? What if you could believe he's there, if only you could see him through the fog of poems, pain, and stilettos? What if, instead of hope, we could operate on faith? What if, instead of hoping we'll meet Mr. Right, or the man we're married to will suddenly turn into Mr. Right, we could simply trust that he's there, if only we'd consider the possibility that he doesn't look the way we thought he should that instead of bringing pain, longing, holding on, and stilettos, he'd show up with roses, running shoes, and the absolute knowledge that you're the one for him. He might be right.
How to do it? If you were working toward releasing a person who was once loving you and now is not, you would cut off contact, focus on yourself, and practice becoming aware of how your thoughts continually float back to him and the pain of the breakup. You would practice gently redirecting those thoughts away from him and pain and toward yourself and your future. What if, in the same way, you could release the past altogether? And by the past, I mean the moment that just passed. The one that will never be again, but which left traces of emotional, spiritual and physical connection behind. The one that drags us, longing, pining and in stilettos, back to live it all over again. Over and over.
So turn around. Put your back to the moment that just passed. Use your imagination. Put your back to the person who is no longer loving you. Put your back to the pain, the longing, the holding on. Face out. Face where you want to be. Is it a mountain? A lake? A beach? Who are you with? Yourself, your new, ideal, perfect, fabulously loving lover, a friend? What is it you actually see for yourself in this new direction?
Keep your back turned to the pain, and your face to what you see ahead. Step out. Literally, now, take a step forward. Allow your future to pull on you. Walk up the mountain. Wander onto the beach. Stare in wonder at the sunset. If you can imagine it, you can make it up any way you want. If it feels scary, you can step out slowly and get used to it. If you can keep facing forward and keep stepping forward, you can change your thoughts, change your feelings, change your reality.
If you find yourself at the market, or Starbucks, or the theater, alone and miserable, or with someone you're indifferent to, turn around from that thought. Literally spin 180 degrees and look elsewhere. There will be something new there. Something good will happen. Someone new will step into frame. The person you're with will become more of a real person and less of a poor substitute. Your life will go forward.
Surrender to faith in yourself. Surrender to the impossibility of knowing what's around every corner. Surrender, not to longing, but to the pleasurable possibilities of what's around the corner. Surrender to this idea: Romance is wonderful, love is not painful, and shoes can look good and feel good too. Stilettos are overrated.
About The Author
Rori Gwynne
In her workshops, classes, private coaching and new book - Have the Relationship You Want - relationship coach Rori Gwynne teaches women the completely original, simple-to-do and stunningly effective techniques for communication, confidence, and connecting with men that she used to turn her own now-glorious eighteen-year marriage around. Visit http://www.CoachRori.com to get her free Mantra for Connecting with Men, the CoachRori e-zine, and to see how Rori can help you Have the Relationship You Want.
Food poisoning: 25 children hopistalised (Kaumundi Online)Twenty five children of Chinmaya Vidyalaya in Thrissur have been admitted to a hospital due to food poisoning. It has been reported that they started vomitting after having food from the hostel the day before yesterday.
EU News - June 2006 (Expatica)The EU constitution is put on ice, Finland takes over the EU Presidency, a 'vodka war' flares up, biometric passports are unveiled and the EU calls for greater anti-terror powers. Nicola Smith reports.
1941: year of the truth (Russian Information Agency Novosti)MOSCOW. (Valentin Falin, Professor of History, for RIA Novosti) - June 22, 1941 came down in modern Russian history as its most tragic day.
